funny quotes
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funny quotes
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funny quotes
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funny quotes
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. ~Charles Schulz
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
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He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
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We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
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Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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