funny quotes
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funny quotes
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funny quotes
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funny quotes
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
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He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life. ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
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Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. ~Menachem Mendel Schneerson
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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
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They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
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They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life. ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
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